For as long as I can remember I’ve had shaky hands and legs. I remember my dad banning me from making drinks because I’d always spill them. I just thought it was normal as I didn’t know any better, but one day my ex (boyfriend at the time) watched me as I tried to eat sweetcorn as it all fell off my fork. I was always in and out of the doctors with my other ailments so I thought I’d mention it. She referred me to a specialist, one year later I have my diagnosis, I have a tremor. Now normally people can be given medication for this to control it, but being the sickly human I am I cannot. These tablets make an already existing condition 10x worse. I tried them for a while and they made me so ill. I would wake up in the night not being able to breathe and being in constant pain from trying to squeeze whatever air I could get through my windpipe and into my lungs. I decided to learn to live with it. 

As superficial as this sounds, this has really affected me with my blogging. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture with a constantly shaking hand? Not even frequent shaking just random levels of unsteadiness. Aside from mirror pictures, product placement pictures became impossible so I bought myself a tripod to ease the stress. 

This is such a small part of my life but to be honest it’s one of the most taxing of all of my issues. I get so frustrated by not being able to put sugar in a drink or pour a liquid into another bottle it’s ridiculous. 

To make matters 10 times worse I get pestered by brands asking me ‘when will you be posting’ well Hun when my hand chills out for a second and everything else that’s wrong with me calms down then maybe then. 

It’s not their fault they’re just doing their job, but it just adds frustration to my already existing headache. 

I can’t walk very far without being in crazy amounts of pain, my legs are wonky so everything hurts teamed with nerve damage in my spine and a spoonful of arthritis I’ve got a recipient for disaster. 

Even posing in front of the mirror for 5 mins or if I’m out on a shoot it’s absolute agony, and I’m so stubborn I won’t stop until I’ve done the task in hand because I hate disappointing people. I follow several people with a variety of different chronic pain illnesses but I find that not many are the same as me. My legs are wonky, they make me look silly in photos so I spend ages trying to get one where I look ‘normal’ and I’m kinda bored of it. 

I am who I am, broken.. mentally and physically but I’m learning to be okay with that. 

My moral of the story is don’t judge a book by its cover. You see images that I choose to share, you don’t see the reality. Social media is a lie. Think before you speak and be kind to everyone you meet. 

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2 replies on “Living with an incurable and untreatable condition

  1. Oh babe, that’s such a brave post to write. And hands up to you for never giving up, you’re so strong. I can relate to the shaking as it’s also a side effect to my epilepsy but obviously it’s no comparison. Keep doing great things ❤️
    Emily-May x

    Like

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