TRIAL AND ERROR
From my dating experience I’ve been exposed to 4 types of men. The immature one, the sensible one, the carefree one and then ideal one. (Slightly bias at this point but bear with me). The immature one was actually young so we won’t speak about him, he’s a decent guy, he was just young.
The Sensible One
I thought I was so grown up with this one. Thought that I needed the sensible guy to eliminate the risk of failure and pain. I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I wasn’t really living the life of a normal 19 year old. I had a corporate job as an Account Manager and lived alone. I idolised him, took career advice, as well as financial advice from him. I can wholeheartedly recommend not basing your financial ties around another person’s income! I had gone from one end of the spectrum to the other, single independent women, to kept women, financially dependant on another human. He was 10 years older, he respected me, he was kind. I thought it was normal to be sensible at every given opportunity. It’s not normal to not laugh, it is not normal to become a replica of the person you’re in a relationship with. I’m not putting any blame on him in this situation, I was naive and wanted security, he provided it, which worked for a while. I was under the impression that in order to be ‘happy’ and ‘grown up’ we had to be sensible. No spontaneity and no fun. Sounds harsh but looking back it’s the only way to describe it. I was happy (so I thought) I had the life I always wanted, the house, the garden, the dog, even brunching on a Sunday morning with his friends. I was in awe of what I thought was the perfect life. Those rose tinted glasses were back at it again. (DAMN DANIEL)
When this ended, I eventually understood that what I had been doing wasn’t right. I had lost who I really was. I would find things funny and hide how I felt, out of fear of offending him. It was a happy relationship, until I realised I was sacrificing who I was. Then I went the other end of the spectrum.
The Carefree One
While this is a great quality to have it’s also very scary for someone as level headed as me. I still wanted the life of the happy home, stable job, decent income but I also wanted to go outside, dance in the rain and be spontaneous. I enjoy being silly, but I also enjoy security. I basically wanted to have my cake and eat it. This guy was the most carefree human you could ever imagine. While it was fun being with someone who was so open minded, and so ready to say yes to any activity you suggest, it’s terrifying being with someone who quits their jobs because they had a bad day. An admirable quality to have, but not ideal when you’re trying to pay for house/food/bills/car etc.
The Ideal One
At this point in my life I was done sacrificing. I would rather be alone than with someone who didn’t tick all the boxes. I was done wasting my time and money on short flings that were never going to go anywhere. I wanted to be with someone who was fun and spontaneous, but also someone who wasn’t going to become a dependant. It sounds stuck up to say you want to date someone who is financially stable, but it’s totally not. I’ve been living on my own since I was 18, I’ve worked hard for what I have, I’ve gone without things, lived off of tinned food for a while but made something I’m proud of. In all honesty the only reason I ate rubbish food was because I would spend all my money on shoes and clothes. I had learnt how to adult at a young age, and I wanted to be with someone like minded, someone who understood the balance of having fun and ‘adulting’.
God knows how, but I found my ideal human. I’m very cautious around writing down how I feel, as it’s a very permanent method of expression. My point is, you never know what the future holds. Right now all I know is ‘the ideal’ one is ticking all the boxes. He makes me laugh, we do fun stuff, but we can also chill out together, he’s not too much. We both have good jobs, we are harmonious. I am me when I’m with him. It’s the beauty of being someone who was once just your friend, it means you know each other as your rawest form. We can coexist as our true selves without becoming a merged version of one another. He’s the perfect combination of fun and sensible. There aren’t really any words that do him justice, he’s incredibly silly and funny in the most unique way, it’s infectious. I could spend ages gushing about what a hilarious weirdo he is. The juxtaposition of his ability to joke around, yet be an adult when he needs to be, is just fantastic.
Moral of the story is never compromise. You know what you deserve, never settle for less. If it’s not right, don’t force it, something better will come along, just at the right time. Sometimes you have to have a few trial goes to fully understand what it is you want. I don’t regret anything I’ve done because it was all a learning curve. Stay true to who you are, never give up on what you believe. I’m not saying I believe in ‘The One’ but I am saying there are people out there who will be exactly what you’re looking for. My Mum once told me I was too picky with men, she said the perfect man didn’t exist. Well take that Mum, I found him. (Love you Mum thanks for birthing me).